An Open Letter To An Old Friend I Will Miss, My Soon To Be Ex Wife Shannon Lee Heathershaw

Shannon Lee Heathershaw, because you should get used to using the name you sacrificed to live in an over 20 year marriage that was below you and abusive.  I agree, you should start looking forward to a bright future away from me.  That being said, you can stop trading on my name and we can go back to the equals you think we were during now what I see as a waste of many years of a life I should have reclaimed years ago.

You seem to think that somehow just paying the living expenses on our household and a small amount of money $165.00 per month on average to me (tell me how this reversed would not have ME being labeled as an abusive and controlling husband?), for a period of time YOU were the primary and sole cause of destruction of my career, a reputation I have had far longer than meeting you was in place and in no instance did you have any form of loyalty or protection to someone you spend hours crying about how much you love, you really need to understand what that word means, your emotional equity in our marriage has been missing for too long to remember, your ability to suck any amount of energy from my soul however never has subsided.  I am beyond empty of any form of emotional attachment to this marriage at this stage as the days go on with your total lack of remorse or reality of your actions.

1st let me remind you for our entire marriage, I got the honor of working endless hours to support my family on top of being the one to purchase your clothing, plan all the family activities and vacations, spoiling you with an excessive amount of dining out and focus and not recognizing your excuses to things like maintaining a household or being organized being “you didn’t marry me for that”.  You could be right but as I reflect, I could have gotten much more I guess of what I married you for from any sexually stable female I was dating prior to committing to you.  That mistake is clear now.

I think the moment you told me that you “lied” to me for our entire marriage about your acceptance and enjoyment of my views on a sexually open marriage left me amazed at your lack of personal accountability, lack of any sense of reality considering your over 3 year sexual relationship with Art and your present day Victim Vagina syndrome somehow blaming me for “forcing” you to address your fractured sexuality issues, considering your lack of ability to touch yourself sexually, good luck with that lack of reality.  You no longer meet and haven’t met my sexual needs for way too long, I am tired of settling for your lack of sanity and juvenile view on sexuality and sensuality.  You are too good for my tastes, you don’t have the mature ability to be a responsible adult during the day and handle anything that resembles a woman’s duty and responsibility to her spouse at night, get over yourself, find someone who can truly be your soul mate, If you haven’t gotten to the stage at this age to have a sexual acceptance of yourself, you need to start over and find true love, maybe love yourself first because void of that, you suck every ounce of energy out of those who gave up a lot to be with you and who have been dead inside from your actions.

Your quick thinking little girl remarks calling me a “whore”, get real, I’ll be a whore any day versus a sexually under developed and in denial individual.  It’s too bad you can’t see the beautiful woman I married so long ago that has somehow gone deep into your memories and your ability to perceive reality is lacking and has lost it for me to even see a positive outcome to any of this.

In 2013 you seem to forget your endless “feel sorry for me” moments where you were consuming large amounts of wine and drinking yourself to sleep on the coach or even worse in our bedroom and our mattress has the wine puke stains to prove it, you were out control trying to drink yourself  through the days, you seem to be equating those days to somehow me beating you which is beyond my sense of reality, ask yourself did I ever strike you in our entire marriage and of course I didn’t but what was the difference in 2013?, oh yeah you, the wine bottles and your lack of ability to be self controlling.  You equate all of this with not seeing Jesse but your selfish and self serving person forgets that I also went through it and also lost my wife, how selfish of me not to devote my attention to you, considering I was RUNNING a business that was already suffering because of your emotional handicaps but hey, I am the abuser.

Remember in July after saying I didn’t have the money to visit our oldest Jack when he was visiting Southern California yet relented and used the money I had reserved for my E&O Insurance in hopes of you overcoming your emotional situation and imagine my surprise when we returned home and you informed me you had spent I think $2500 I didn’t even know we had and that began my financial issues resulting from babysitting you.  Then the totally abusive husband behavior where I told you that you should attend WEAVE to maybe get some counseling assistance and then of course let’s see, encouraging you to reestablish contact with your parents which you did and which was a good development in your mental health,  wait and then spending my Thanksgiving alone because I paif for you to go visit your parents, see I am must have the abusive husband thing wrong as now I see my self as being a pushover and an enabler, maybe all of that is just part of my crazy mentality. Right.

My mistake in our marriage was trying to be the best spouse I could, I should have made you pay off all of your school loans yourself instead of paying them off for you, our carts and credit cards, because you simply didn’t experience that stress and somehow think you were an equal in our marriage and you know that is far from the reality but it’s a sign of the Fractured Female Feminists who don’t realize if they just gave 1/2 a fuck about being a female and actually were empowered, it’s the biggest turn on for a man, but hey, get out there and prove me wrong, I hope you do although I as no longer attached to what you do, who you do or anything at this point you do.

I think if you actually showed you gave a fuck about anyone but you, we would have a future but that ship sailed too long ago.  You seem to think going to a job that pays you for your time and then returning home to watch your entertainment and relax is what your responsibility in life is, you are  a great teacher and I am proud of you but your ability to learn outside of work is benign and since you have “tenure” you don’t care.  You actually have changed my opinion on tenure and the comparison to marriage seems the same, once you get married, you no longer have to try.  That’s really too bad because I didn’t get that memo and I wasted alot of me in we and that shouldn’t be.

I think the moment that you leaned down at Kaiser after betraying me in one of the most unforgivable actions and said “do you know why your here” and considering what there are 3, 4, 5 conflicting reasons and Elk Grove Police Department has redacted the report because it’s so damaging to them, but you said “Joanne told me to do this”, and all I could remember was how pathetic that you were not adult enough to be a responsible mature adult and in some bat shit crazy world you took the advise of our landlord who god knows what you told without her verifying it and took her advice.  To bring her into this legally which is yet another person you have exposed with your issues is amazing.  I bet you didn’t tell her that one of the main issues during your “drink myself to death” phase was us arguing about allowing the dogs in the house which you would get physically abusive with me to stop them from going outside and to this day they remain in the house.  Or your texts during these episodes bragging to Marlene how after I returned from a time you kicked me out and I walked around homeless for 24 hours and upon returning home you called the Elk Grove Police Department on my which after verbally abusing me informed you I had the right to enter and after he left and I was quietly in my office avoiding any conflict with you, you went outside and turned off the breaker panel electricity…and then bragged it was fine with the landlords as they supported your decision.  I doubt they even knew about it but because I have to address and protect my interests and the violation of my personal rights, this will all come out during the legal process.

If any of that wasn’t worse enough, filing a police report claiming abuse in July 2015 but the incident you claimed was when we fell in the front hallway as I was trying to calm one of your manic issues which seems to occur all of the time you get uncontrollable and violent and I have the photos of things like photos and stuff you destroyed, much less I posted on my Facebook.  The funny thing is if I as a male controlled your movement and it was I who controlled the car, controlled the funds etc, I would be labeled a domestic abuser, why would it be any different for you?  Maybe your excuse is trying to stretch funds as the only one working?  Easy when that comes up, be prepared to share your credit card statements.  Like I said, I am seeking the truth for every thing you put out there and ruined my reputation for in your “I am a victim” game, You already know and have the signed separation agreement I emailed to you in 2015, the one your “therapist” said for you not to sign, the same one who what after two visits said you were fine?.. Give me a break.

You had no issue storming into my therapy appt and displaying erratic and somehow a lack of understanding as to why this qualified therapist just didn’t take your advise that there was something seriously wrong with me, I think again you really get the love thing wrong.  And of course you were pissed and irate that I didn’t support you in there…let’s think about that, help you trash and libel myself just to validate your behavior and your actions, sorry I must have just been that abusive husband once again.

See all you seem to be able to do is blame others.  You were not even an Officer on my Corporation for my real estate office and had NO legal rights at all to clean out my office and violate so many agreements I was entered into and blame it on my landlords, the fact is you had no right to do anything with my office and so you were the yet again source of the action.  Just be prepared, it’s all business for me now and I have to go back and hold everyone accountable for the damage they caused to me personally and professionally and I don’t plan to let anyone involved off the hook.  If I had seen any signs of remorse over the last few years, maybe but it’s far too late at this stage.

So I plan to start planning my future alone and maybe sometime in the future things will heal that we can be friends and who knows after that but I don’t hold any hopes on that any longer, that is all on your behavior and I am no longer attached to it changing.  Your first response will be “but you told me you love me”..you just don’t get it, I DO love you but after allowing you to sell every possession I have of value, I have to love myself enough to see that you have no clue what that word means and like to use it verbally but why give you anything to argue with, your right, I lied, I don’t love you.  Imagine my surprise thinking that I loved you so much I allowed all of this to happen in hopes you would get some perception of what you have done, but let’s just let that go, there isn’t anything here for me to fight for anymore, now I take the emotion out of it and we let the truth see to it’s resolution, no more back and forth, the venue now is in front of a 3rd party who can observe and coordinate.

I plan to be respectful and over the next week will inform everyone of the fact that you longer speak or act in any way on my behalf and to conduct their business involving me directly with me.  I will also be taking precautions to secure the room I have been working out of and the back shop in case you forget your personal boundaries and feel you somehow still control me as someone who just doesn’t get it.  A divorce is not a priority on my part at this stage as spiritually I became an Adulterer when I married an Adulterer, which you became after your first divorce and in reality means nothing to me but encourage you to get healthy and get counseling to address what wasn’t important enough for our relationship obviously before you go into a 3rd but I have to lose attachment to any concern with that.

Thank goodness you were the primary parent during our marriage with Jack and I had little to no involvement, of course that’s the way you see it.  My perception of reality must be really altered, but I guess we’ll see that soon.  Oh make sure you get those individual tax returns done that are sitting there from years past, just yet another reminder.

With Sympathy But Grateful For The Good Parts I Thought We Had

Bruce Edgar Slaton Jr
Your Dedicated Domestic Violator

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